A Preface
Heya! Its name is Nova and it uses object pronouns! It is agender, which means that it doesn't have a gender: neither male, female, nor any other gender. It is just an entity that exists in this timeline piloting the only body it has. That also means that it falls into the nonbinary bucket of identities.
Going forward, it is typically going to use bits in place of genitals. Just an FYI.
This blog is going to be dedicated to its journey towards gender-affirming care. It is an AMAB entity that was born with all AMAB bits, and in the earlier two-thirds of its life, it appeared to be a “normal” guy, according to society's standards. Over the past 10 years or so, it had started to question its body. It wondered if its bits really were something that it liked about its body, and eventually its journey led it to a recent surgery consultation where it is preparing for nullification, or the removal of its natal genitals.
This kind of procedure isn't super well documented or even apparently researched. There are some clinics that have a nonbinary section on their websites documenting what they can do for nonbinary individuals. Nullification is something that is done, but not at the same scale as binary surgeries. Given that, most of the resources that it was able to find like to stick to the binary: MtF or FtM. Because of this, it was hard to find anything about how or what it was feeling. It didn't feel super well understood, and it questioned whether or not something was wrong with it. It took a long time, nearly 10 years, to finally get around to better understanding how it was feeling and finding a community of people that have gone through the same thing. It's ventured across multiple websites, including those that specialize in body modification — not necessarily gender-affirming body modification (more on that later). Eventually, it was able to get the therapeutic support it needed; it just took a while for it to get the courage to find it.
Its goal with this is to detail its existence and journey of discovery. It wants to detail things it has noticed about its past that might've been indicators of how it feels now. It struggled for a long time, feeling like it was “taking up space where it shouldn't” in the trans community since it seemed like the path that it took was not (from its own research, it may be wrong) the typical path of knowing that one's body is wrong since a young age. Its journey is murkier than that with a lot of subtle things that might've made that indication.
It wants to document all of this in the hopes that if someone else is going through the same thing, if someone else is reading this and feels alone because their journey is similar to what it is going through, they find that they aren't actually alone. There are others like you that exist and have tried to figure it out too, and we're here to help. You are valid in your experience just as it is! It just so happened to need a lot of affirmation to reassure it that its journey is valid.
Anyway, that's this first post put out. It'll try to start documenting things as it has the energy and attention span to do so. There's going to be a lot in its posts, ranging from stuff it felt when it was younger, to ways that it dealt with its dysphoria and tried to manage it. Things in here will be graphic, and it'll do its best to put content warnings where necessary.
See ya later!